read till the end? Sometimes, I have ADHD..

because its after you've been through everything, do you truly understand what love is.

at least thats how it is for me... and by my definitions, that and that is not love.

-shakes head- i think the speeches about love this afternoon are getting to me haha.

haha RAGE XI last night, then Ban Jiang tonight. (: be patient, and i'll put up TXY links plus pics (: (:

<3!>

new link: louis! haha..

zz. though veh tired.. but i think its time to do Ten People again.

1) i dont rly care anymore what u think of me now i guess, cause it doesnt make a difference. (: as long as u're alright and happy.. haha.

2) sorry you couldnt stay thru-out banjiang... jiayou for ur work, and i hope to see u soon (:

3) you! i got nth else to say but get well soon, and i'll miss u ): u rock ok! dont die haha.

4) thanks for being there for me (: you have no idea sometimes how much i needed someone to say those things (:

5) haha jiayou lo! i will help you one. (: we will have frequent talks ok! lets make this mission ABC : D haha..

6) i rly dont knw whts wrong with you ): its killing me. u knw hw much i keep thinking wht ive done?

7) think u'll be reading this.. haha thanks for th card... and, i think i knw who alr! hahah i think i'll see u soon. (: tc.

8) ): i dont like u u damn what la ):

9) haha i <3>10) haha do take care (: you'll get over it, i know. (:

"why are you giving up?"

haha..

maybe i'm afraid to disappoint you. maybe i'm afraid that you'd get angry.. but i've got an idea its more of the former.

it wasn't until today that i realised. until she asked.. i realised how much i fear that i'd disappoint you. not the usual kind of disappointment you get when you realise i've lied, or done badly in a subject. thats small case.

its the kind of disappointment you get when its your turn to realise.. i'm not the daughter you've always thought i was. and maybe i can't make it after all.

haha.. i'll try my best, kay?

in one day...

"Eh i thought Lena was Joy!"

"You sounded like this judoka... When you said that just now."

"Lena looked like Ailin. I thought she was Ailin when she stand there like that.."

"LENA YOU LOOK LIKE ALDRIN TEE."

wah this one that best.

lol tian arh =__=

anyway debate is moving house. and zhixin is (Y) at making me emo. =__=

-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
as aj said
-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
it's the end of an era

-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
sigh... that place is like
-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
THE debate place
-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
then we have all our debates tehre
-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
and we always go up there for twice a week
-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
now it's all gone.
-- zhixin' wish upon a star says:
same place, but not the same anymore.

(Y) gj. not sad at all loh not sad. ):


the thing that makes people do stupid things...

is it love?


im sensitive enough to know you're suddenly being hostile around me

HOT STUFF

this is what i call a teacher who can hold students' attention

your best 4 x 100 minutes ever.. TRUST ME. haha.. (wait for the ad to be over while ur vid loads)
Feat. Tom Cruise, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie + Brad Pitt

and what do you know? turns out hollywood is so intimately related to survival in school..

sometimes it doesnt hurt to go looking around at ppl's msn nicks...

siyi:
[twofourer'05] i just burnt my nose again and now i rule the leaf litter community.-_______-

arias:
don't save me zhixin and i rule the world, siyi rules the leaf litter community, mel's a loser and lee qi's a fruit.

leeqi:
[lee]qi* NOT A FRUIT

melissa:
mel. thinks squirrelnut is weird. once a fruit, always a fruit (unless eaten).

im so amused..

wtf? no, really. wtf.

and also.. i'm not supposed to find this funny but i do. its hilarious la! ><

last, link by kersh, a little bit of sick plus a lot of ownage.. you'll see.

everybody gives up one time or another.. their enthusiasm and drive wear off, and they become like any other one. but you. i think we'd need to wait a while till we see the results... but i secretly hope this time round the day doesnt come.

anyway.. today was Chi PT presentation, finally. Rocker, man. (: no need to be ego, but i wanna tell Siyi im very proud of both you and me (: haha even though sometimes it seemed like everything goes against us and there are rough patches here and there, but in the end we really did 双剑合并 and pull it off didnt we(:

haha make it sound like we learnt alot from one PT.. haha. but yeah its unforgettable for me.
Siyi send photos! : D

ever heard of parents sucking up to teachers?

anyway.. i'm trying hard to get a bit of sympathy around here.
haha, serious!

now i know how Siyi feels about the pimple on her shoulder. haha cause now, with sunburns on my shoulders, its no longer ok for everyone to just come up to me and go -SMACK- HEY LENA.

lol =__= zhen shi de. and zz yeah i blacken damn fast but whiten damn slow. so (Y) loh, i one day only, darker then chen alr.

and i think its really that bad. cause today even arathi was like..

arathi: Lena why you so tan!
ruiling: eh no she has always been tan
me: uh YAH LOH
arathi: no! you were not SO tan before this i KNOW.
me: uhh.. not true! i've always been this way.
arathi: no.. you look.. whats that word? you look CHAOTA.

=___= don't you think when its until the stage that everyone who looks at me are reminded of sth that is Chao Ta, its quite bad?

zhixin: she went to the beach with her boyfriend!
arathi: ohhh lenaa...
ruiling + arathi + zhixin: [about how scandalous i am]
arathi: LOOK LENA IS BLUSHING.
me: AM NOT.
ruiling: yah she's blushing!
ruiling + arathi + zhixin: [about me blushing]
me: AM NOT. -covers face- ITS THE SUNBURN.

haha yes debate exco meeting started like this, and ended (for me) like this too =_______= so i Zao very quickly.

suan la suan. chen i veh cham leh =__=

heysyall.

i won't be holding on to my phone to about a week, so don't bother trying to reach me. haha.

anyway yesterday was slightly weird, but still fun in its way. so anyway i went to school today and everybody is like LENA WHY ARE U CHAOTA. but i also dunno why, but everybody seemed to know we went beach. =___=

aldrin tee also ask, anden accuse me of gg beach w/ my non-existent boyfriend. very funny.

=__= haha my fault meh, i chaota. before go alr quite dark liao, then still go beach for a whole day. zz, no sunburn, except the parts which were whiter before. pain sia.

no phone, no cam.. no nth ): i've about lost everything i can lose. (Y) next will be wallet (: thn i gt nth alr.

author: lovestrawberries

I can't feel anymore. I stare at my hands, but they're dead. I throw them into the fire, letting the skin burn up and boil, the smells wafting up into the air. But I don't feel a thing. I can't feel the way the skin peels back and into itself, the way the blood starts to run up and boil in the coal of the fireplace.

You run out of the kitchen, alerted by the smell, and you yell. "Stop that! Fucking stop!" You yank my hands out of the fire and slap me, making my head snap to the side. "The fuck are you doing?! How many times do I have to tell you no to do that! Stupid fuck!" You slap me again, and I can't even feel that.

I see the tears in your eyes, and my heart wants to break. Your fingers clench into the already abused flesh of my palms, and those tears fall slowly and unheeded down your cheeks.

I turn my head so I won't have to see you cry, but you grab my chin and force my face back to yours. Your face is crimson in its anger, and your eyes are narrowed. "How many times? How many times do we have to go over this? You're not a fucking baby, Darien!"

I close my eyes, and you slap me again. "Look at me, damn you, look!"

I look back at you, slowly, and your lips crash down on mine, hungry and punishing. I kiss you back as best as I can, but it holds nothing for me now. I don't know how your lips feel, I don't know how you taste. I don't remember anymore, and I can't remind myself.

You pull away sobbing, and I hold you to me, my eyes looking over your shoulder.

I can't feel your skin on mine. I don't know that the rough denim of your jeans is rubbing against my bare legs. If I closed my eyes, all I'd fell was a dead weight in my arms, heavy and intrusive. So I have to keep my eyes open, to see your hair and your eyes, to see the way your fingers dig into my skin, because I don't know they're there.

"Do you love me, Darien?" Your voice is soft, and your tears have gone away.

"Yes." And I do. I love you more then this wretched life I live. I love you more then the once beautiful live I had, before the accident. Before I couldn't feel.

You pull back and stare into my eyes. "Do you really want to die, Darien? Could you really leave me alone to die here without you?"

I want to say yes, because I do. I want to die and give this up. I don't want to see you everyday struggling to make my life a life. I don't want to have to live like this. I don't want to see you anymore, because you remind me of all the things I had and want back.

"No. I won't leave you."

You slap me again, because you know I'm lying. You could hate me for this, just like I could hate you for it. But we're both pinned and nailed to this, holding onto each other while longing for other things.

This is love.

You shake your head at me and walk way, back to the kitchen. I don't watch you leave, but stare back into the fireplace, and I wish I could imagine how it would feel to burn up in it.

article good for guys who are not sure whether your girl friend likes you haha.

today was fun (:

morning was late ): sorry siyi but we finally finished our dratted script :D yay rehearse!

big LOVE to arias who got me a decent present (: sweet thang. HAHAHA.

ok, and.. SPH! (: (: (: haha even though everyone bully me. zhicheng accuse me to raping jiaming =__= when jiaming is the one being mean and refusing to forgive me for slapping his stomach. =___= chayyeow was funny as usual (: yay to meet every week. and and the dance was cute.

haha sorry if some people don't understand. i'm tired, busy, and just gradually reverting to true form(:

seeya.

: D


想太多了，想太多了。

想你想疯了的想。

想故事里从虚拟世界走出来的天使的想。

想《我们的故事》的超想。

想为什么事情要怎么复杂的想。

想我虚构的好朋友是否会出现的想。

想如果拥有机器人的想。

想对不能有感觉的东西产生了感情的想。

想最喜欢的歌太多的想。

想脱离这个世界，变成下一个“董事长”的想。

想友谊到底是什么东西的想。

想人的感情怎么这么不受控制的想。

想其实你和我都一样寂寞的想。

想幻想绝对与事实扯不上关系的想。

想人的内心是否由故事所诉说的都是邪恶的想。

想为什么你态度好恶劣的想。

想不计较想原谅想对你笑的想。

想你们会不会想起我们的想。

想一切无意义的想。

想为你写个爱情故事的想。

想给你买个礼物的想。

想放弃了的更想。

想原来自己的脑袋能是另外一个世界的想。

想太多了，想…

想为什么我好奇怪。


*‘你’不一定每次都指一样的人。

GO READ DAWN. Shes FREAKIN' CHIO!

T_T wowie man. she's one of the stomp bloggers lo ><

yeah and if u read Xiaxue's entries -- there was this one about Singlish and thought this wikipedia page is damn ironic/hilarious.

Loll man.

cause xiaokui cried watching her loved one crying over his loved one..

zhen shi de. no matter who has made me smile or pretend to smile, it will not alter the lousy feeling i always get at the end of the day. damn good job loh.

i've tried to treat you like a good friend, but i've had enough nao.

today is a good day, generally. based on the fact that most of our teachers are in a good mood.

i dont when it was that i've started defining a good day as a day when our teachers seemed to be having a good day...

anyways, some here and theres: this morning justin teo came in..

"did you see the group of people outside the staffroom? there are bees in the staffroom know. bees and wasps.. nobody dare to go in. i risked my life to go in and take the worksheet to teach you, so you better take out your worksheet now."

moments later.

PA system:

Classrooms in the D Block please DO NOT open your windows.

Classrooms in the D Block please do not open your windows.

There is a possibility that bees may enter your classrooms.

haha -imagines scenario-
EH then everyone will have to evacuate classrooms and there would have been no lessons! zzdarn. haha ><

english lesson was hilarious at the start.. we read a poem as a class, and also tried to bargain with Mr Toh for postponing the essay writing. but as always, he was firm, so then we wrote our Expo.

during lit, we asked ms huang whether she would take us for orals..

"i make it a point not to teach my lit classes. or else it wouldn't be fair!

you see me then you very happy and you will not be nervous at all, and will be very confident. cannot! must be fair."

(Y) loh win liao loh. Lit class rocked.. lots of laughs and talk about class sitting posture and stuff, but some of that should be kept within the class and anyways im too tired to think.

so... see ya.

zz chi pt! :D lol.

will time wash away her pain? even if it will, her scars run so deep. and i feel it--part of it. i won't ever truly understand, unless i experience it for myself.

her life's the diary of a young little girl dressed in old rags, chained to heavy wooden chairs. its the terrible secret hidden behind her brightest smile.

haha maybe its hereditary, but you won't know what i'm talking about.

its been so painful. its been so painful. its been so painful.

so many years have passed; have you found what you're looking for?

i'll help. i'll try my best. maybe i don't have it yet but soon.. soon, i will be holding it in my hands. i'll give it to you.

i travelled back in time today. scrolling through the earliest posts in this blog, i regretted deleting all my old blogs -- regardless public or private ones.

some things can never return..

is it possible to change so much within this span of time?

i was doing props for chinese presentation.. then my parents saw. and THEY LAUGHED AT ME. =__= i was like, -wear-

then dad laugh. so in indignance i went to find my mum. then she also laugh.

my little brother was so amused that HE WENT TO MAKE SOMETHING EXACTLY LIKE MINE =__=

eh zz so infuriating. can't do a PT without getting laughed at around this house.

i know how you feel..

haha.

yeah and this (:

zzpain ):

letters, soft toys at doorstep, folded paper stars, birthday presents, accompaniment, stalking, waiting, dates, pleads, begs, tries and again, money, tears, injuries, long messages and the longest ever received, sweet moving words, done all that could be done.

things that move people, that evokes certain emotions.. but they are anything but love.

when i get round to understanding that, i finally realised that i've been wrong all along. that sometimes no matter how hard you try, how daring you are, how eligible you might be.. if she doesnt like you, she doesnt.

all that crap about how after three years she finally realises that happiness has been within reach all along, and that her long time suitor is the best for her?

thats one in a million.

in turn, im not ready to believe those stories.

its time to get a move on, cause i'm not one to do silly stuff (: ok, not extremely silly stuff.

day out


the inner peodophile working up


science centre




qiang mai







esplanade





gossiping away


siyi being her usual self


peodo likes young, yes.


my brother not included


(:


sentosa



chen, qiongye


"hello hello hello... the monkey will follow.."


mooon



an shing, yu hui

yu hui being poser


NDP day..graffiti!




performers!



parade!

pretty hand (:

pretty skies (:



fireworks (:

night lights (:




chen, anshing


farewell, renda performance item



dinner

the trio




departure night, photoshoot










airport..





短短的两个星期快快过去了。

电话里满是你们的相片。

与你们在一起的时间不多，对你们的认识也不很深，可是有接触到的你们的点点滴滴我记得一清二楚。

“你们真的好可爱。” 当队副的心情我终于理解了。

虽然到了离开的那一刻都没有任何一滴泪，也没有看见你们闷闷不乐，所以我也没说什么。
…但我其实好舍不得好舍不得。也不知道为什么，我难过了。

情景一点也不像我们去台湾的那一次--热泪盈眶的我们依依不舍地拥抱队副，还让队副安慰我，逼我上飞机。

这回儿可不同。看着你们有说有笑，兴奋不已地登机去，我有些不甘心。

“怎么每次难过的都是我？你们一点感觉也没有吗?”心里是这么想的。

孙毅走了过来，再次摸摸我的脸，问我哭了吗，我说没有，还对她笑。

终于，他们一个个告别了…我望着他们的背影却无法转身离开。

真是的。

走吧走吧，你们。我们十一月见。