20060427

i realise i can't survive long without blogging.

anyways, two days i ago i went to myheritage.com and made discoveries (both horrible and nice) about my face.

to a certain percentage for each of them, i look like zhang ziyi, hilary duff, some two korean female actors, (very much)..

however, i also look like jet li, chow yun fat and other old farts, to a certain percentage. LOL. i don't have the list with me now. but i made some screen shots. will post them another time. i also uploaded pics of ppl like chen longmao tod edmund mrteo and siyi... LOL. longmao looks like wonbin!!!!! whoot! i sent him a scrnshot. lol. wonbin is <3 ok!

giahhaha. lately things have been better around at home. his trying to make amends. theyre gonna go on a "honeymoon" next month, and i gonna go london and paris in june. :D but my mum keeps putting me in these awkward situations, and making horrible comments about me. don't ask. but if upsetting and angering me helps in salvaging their relationship, i thought why not!

lol.

today lesson in class was generally happy. and english lessons are always enjoyable. yay. i am currently sitting in class listening to deathcab. sipei, siyi's 204 friend commented that our class was nice, and that we should have won the fish competition too. lol. that made me happy. days ago i also found out the judges way of deciding champion.. what can i say? its just too bad for us. but we all know in our hearts that dongdong is the best. ^^

i'm just rattling off stuff. i miss taiwan. i deleted the taiwan blog last month, because it was stagnant. then the next day ms chia came up to me and told me that the teachers never so much as HEARD of the url. what the hell. i spent how long on the blog?!?!! tmd. i put in like how much effort lah. all my free time. late nights, as usual. aiyah, nevermind lah. another failure/loss/empty hole. used to it liao. it would have won the competition, but who cares? fate always manages to make my life difficult for me so i should just accept it.

=.= dont get me wrong.. i'm not complaining. im just resigned to it liao. so you should expect less tears from me.. so thats good right!

eh, i think i'm sick. halfway through chem lesson, my eyes started watering, my nose felt stuffed blocked and horribly uncomfortable, and my throat itched. then my nose leaked. i ran to the toilet twice, and i remained like that for the rest of the day. sigh. =.= of all times. i think i'm really allergic to exams.

it happens ALL the time. when i mean all, its all. as i am typing this, i am ponning aesthetic class for the fourth time in a row this term, mainly for the reasons below.
1. i dont know why i so suay, but because my class..... :(
2. i got better things to do. for three weeks. yes.
3. i didnt even the attend the first lessons -- for valid reasons -- so i dont feel compelled to go subsequent lessons =.=
4. .. my dad is here gtg bye.


in jest; [4:05 PM]

20060423

the previous post was the intended post on friday.

and this is the last post you'll ever see here.


in jest; [6:39 PM]


Seriously I don't understand how judges judge. This is the duno-wat-th time.

It was like this with everything else. I didn't want to write it here, but this bloody com can't type Chinese. Ever since the start of the year, I've been a total failure. I don't know. Don't ask me to list examples, cause there so many that if I were to start on them, I'd start crying again now.

Our fish. Just because its natural colour is blueblack. Just because it has a weird name. Do you really judge based on looks? Are you really so superficial? Do you know that many classes practically left their fish to rot, and only did last minute dress-up for it nearing the date of submission? Do you know that our class spent 60 bucks on taking care of the fish? Do you see most classes keeping their fishes in their class so that they can often go over and play with it, tease it, admire it? Do you realize that we had taken such good care and shown so much love for our fish right from the beginning? And who do you give the prizes to? I'm not saying we deserve first prize, but those who got better than us definitely didn't deserve it. Is this how you judge? Is this how you encourage your students to put in effort?

We loved our fish so much, we wanted it so much to win. Its so chio pls. Do you know that when we first got it, it was so dark and practically black throughout? Do you know that few days after joining our class, its colours became much brighter and prominent? We so rejoiced lah. We even went to great pains for naming it. Lol.

When they announced the results, some of us were holding hands, even. Holding hands, like a form of "crossing fingers".. Then when we realized what was up, we left go of each others' hands quickly, trying not to show our disappointment.

It was upsetting enough. Then came the news about shufang. I cried. And the hour after assembly I was trying hard to hold back my tears. I looked on at the groups of people chatting away strolling. It's a self-centered world, Latha said. I know I should just accept reality, but… it just feels worse when you realize no one is affected as you. How should I feel? Angry at my emotional side, or at the uncaring masses? Neither would seem right.

But as if all these weren't enough – people had to go around being insensitive. I already couldn't believe it when people had to be so mean to our fish: curse it to die, threaten to do things to it.. ask if it has died. If I ask you eagerly whether your mother has died yet, would you punch me? Then today you had to boast. Boasted, and boasted, and boasted. And.. "How can lose to your class?" Is that it? Quest to outwin My class in everything. Aim, ultimate goal. Even if i killed myself doing it. Even if it makes me cry anyway. Who cares. ..Well, nice being friends with you. Then, i think the class would do so much better without me. I'm such a jinx. Even exclassmates wanna make life miserable for me. Its not whether we win that matters. Its your mentality. Esp when its under this condition. So not hurtful. Im gna throw away that 6 "spasticsnotgone". I was so mistaken. It was long gone. (:

Diff classes. Last year when nobody cared, when everybody was in fact rejoicing over their new arrangements, i cried almost everyday. Now i've come to know it wasnt worth it.

I tried to control myself when some of the other things happened. I got so pissed upset and miserable, but I tried to control. I'll try not to lose it. I'll try. Just because i have to.

I know I sound like a bitch again. I know I'm such an asshole. I know everything about me sucks. But when I think about it… I've tried so hard. I've tried my best, given everything I could. What do you want from me? Can you tell me what I can do? What did i do wrong? Does the whole world hate me? Or does god hate me? Is that it? Cause when life starts draining everything out of you, you can't help but feel so helpless and wanna die. I don't wanna die yet. Can someone help me? I hate sounding so helpless. Especially when I know no one can help me.


in jest; [6:31 PM]


i had a two thousand word rant. about how friends are not friends anymore. about how my life couldn't get any worse. about how i will hang on no matter what. about.. how much i need help.

after that, i went to raffles rock concert. i ogled at guys, enjoyed the high, and had fun. the next day, there was debates competition. i was so excited to see terence. we gave thought to the environment and pollution permits. we lost two, won one. we groaned about how lousy we were. we.. went on with life.

just last night was a lighthearted happy family night-in.

just when i thought everything was really ok. but about an hour ago, everything changed.

she cried, and spoke with the raspy sorethroat voice she had acquired from the holiday overseas. i tried to hold in my tears, but was unsuccessful. so the most i was could do was to silently let my teardrops roll off my cheek, and not sob.

i was wondering how much more i can take..
I realised that i can take more blows, much larger blows, than i expected i can.


in jest; [6:20 PM]

20060420

today.. was.. purely magical.

will upload pics tomorrow.. i'm kinda busy now. but i just wanted to say today was awesome. world book day! just lookit the book covers and costumes! 308, 309, 310.. and i think further on. i'd say this row of classrooms.. we were ssssmashing!

i just got all excited seeing everybody dressed up prettily and in roles. damn COOL.

and, the performance. i wish more people were around to watch. it was the most awesome part of the day, baby. i slap myself for not charging my camera batt last night. i tried to! but the charger was missing. i slap myself again for not looking for the charger hard enough. gosh dammit. the music and dance.. thanks arias. (: it was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. then after that, it was slightly screwed and i did a few stupid things that i still can't forgive myself for. =__= i hope the class forgives me then (:

i gtg. but today freaking rocked.


in jest; [10:24 PM]

20060418

Was supposed to do Fishy stuff.

Lena's Account:

That day, i was in class when someone poked their head into our class and said: "Hey, have you gotten your fighting fish?"

"WHAT FIGHTING FISH."

"Ehh... must go and get yourself.. At the bio lab there."

Rightaway, me and my classmate Joy set off to the bio lab. Apparently we were not the last to take our Betta -- there were still half a styrofoam box of fish jars. Anyway, most people don't know this, but I chose the fish. ..HAHA. Duh! If we went to get it, obviously we chose it. It was not like assigned or anything. I peered into each and every faeces-clouded fish-inhabiting jar, and could not decide between the white one with the red tail, or the emo-looking black one. We took five minutes to choose. Joy was definitely not helpful in making the choice.

Anyway, we took the jar back, along with some food, and a small piece of instruction sheet. I talked happily to the fish on the way back and even gave it a tour around our classroom, thus earning hurtful and ostracizing comments from Joy. Finally, i set it down on the waiting empty table at the side of the class. I even put up a piece of "Name Me" sheet for our classmates to provide suggestions.

That night, i went home immediately to find out about the proper way of keeping Bettas. I was so excited, but turned out the class's response was lukewarm.

Well, for two or three days, not many people showed enough interest for the fish. It was basically neglected and left to rot in its murky practically poisonous water and hideous jar. It was fed irregularly. Most of the time it was overfed -- you know how people are..."Ooh look, our fish! Let's FEED IT!" Yeah.. Well, but there was interest, at least: someone commented that it was black and ugly.

Imagine how miserable our poor fish must have felt. Unnamed, cold, bloated, sick and insulted. Tsk tsk..But of course, we did some things right -- we left the fish in the class, but the air con is set such that the temperature in the room does not go below that of what Bettas are comfortable with. The class's main concern was, however, naming the fish. We gave our Bio teacher Ms Priscilla Ang the honor of naming it, but she never got round to it. We understand, not everybody are good with fish names like us...
Well, just as the fish was about to commit suicide, saviour RITA came along!! She really cares alot for our dear fishie, and she offered to take it home. I agreed. And the next day she returned with a new fishtank, new fish food, new fish water solution, fishtank accessories, a tiny fishtank plant, and a brand new refreshed fishie. :) It looked so much better!

From then on, everybody was going on and on about how chio our fish was. In between lessons, people stroll over just to have a little ogle at it, and jealous parties from other classes curse our fish horribly. Oh well, what can i say? I ran around calling it "The Chioded Fish". Not everybody used it, but for a loong period of time i regarded it as the temporary name for our fish.

The class treated The Chioded Fish well. They made repeated attempts to scare the wits out of it, such as shaking its tank and making faces at it, so as to "toughen" it up. I might include that the attemtps never really worked. During the holidays, i brought it home! As i sat in the car holding it tightly to my lap, the car came to a slow stop and water splashed all over my pinafore. You can imagine what happens when the car made sudden stops. I realised our fish's sufferings when i started to smell of fish water -- the odour was worse than a that of a stinkbomb.

I stepped into the house, held up the fishtank proudly, and exclaimed: "Welcome the new member of the family!" We kept it at home for about a week.

And My mum definitely took a liking to the fish. After the holidays, the class kept asking where the fish was. "Bring back the fish arh!" were daily reminders in my ear. So i went home, and my mum was like (dismayed) "What! Take care of it liao then now return..." I know its sad, but there were 34 other people waiting for its return, so there.

You'd be interested to know: Our fish was only named last week. During Bio lesson. Its name is DongDong. Don't ask.

Ahh i'll tell you anyway. Dongdong came about one day when my ex-classmate came into class looking for me. At the same time, Siyi (the 309 Dead Fish) was complaining about our fish's lack of name.

My friend went "Aiyah, call it Dongdong."

Dongdong. Siyi started laughing her head off. She giggled at any other mention of the word later on. Thus "DongDong" replaced "The Chioded Fish", as insisted by Siyi, but only as a temporary name still. Last bio lesson, we asked Ms Ang for the last time. "Name our fish!"

Then i don't know who mentioned that we call it DongDong. So Ms Ang went "ok, call it Dongdong."

yeap. That's about it. Dongdong is offiical. It may sound stupid, is stupid.. But our love for Dongdong will not be reduced just because it has a ridiculous name. :) Now that The Big Day for Dongdong, we give it our full support. You will win, Dongz! We have faith in you! And that's coming from your cheerleader team of 35! XD



in jest; [10:22 PM]

20060417

hahaha.. our class is really retarded. retarded in a fantastically fun way. iwillforgetabout201iwillforgetabout201 :D

but anyway we really enjoyed ourselves today:

1. we had two free blocks. both JTs. one math -- Justin Teo and one eng -- Joseph Toh. tsk tsk. Mr. Toh wasn't even around for debates prep. but that will come later.

2. everybody gathered around and filmed a porn movie after school. the RGS version. HAHA. kidding! but i wouldn't disclose the details of what exactly happened. let's just say that we were lucky nobody who wasn't supposed to walk in walked in during our fiasco. it was damn funny.. i wish i had my video. i would upload it on Youtube and broadcast it like xiaoo. hahas.

the guilty ones: lena, kevy, valerie(partly), wanqi, sze yen, yenlin, alicia, rowawa.. and yashan who remained the passive non-observer.

3. for debates, we prepped the motion. it was out: this house supports trading of pollution permits between or within countries. anyway, the sec 2s started asking all weird questions that displayed their evident ignorance, and so started the 1.5 hr talk on dating, clubbing and picking up girls. it was... enriching. :) damn fun also. we even mentioned Fiona Xie, and the anecdote that we heard from David is juicy, baby. Anyway, talking about all those stuff gave me that feeling again. You kow, the "i wanna grow up so i can go dance and drink like hell" feeling?

Life's just so weird, constantly making a fool of you. When you're a real small kid you enjoyed life and didn't want to understand tha complicated ways in which Adulthood worked. When you grew abit older you wanted to be treated like a Big Boy/Girl. However, you look up to all your big brothers and sisters, thinking "They are so cool! I'm gonna be JUST like them..." Soon, you reach adolescence, the stage at which you are positively convinced that you are old and independent enough to decide things for yourself. One or two years later, you realise that there are still to many restrictions on kids your age -- you are missing out on sooo much. You will yourself to grow...! And you gradually do, of course. With age comes certain benefits and privileges.. Before you realise it, you are in your 20s! Not old at all! My life is just beginning, you think to yourself. You decide to seriously pursue your love life. Time flies and you are in your mid twenties. Still single? Try harder. 30s. Presumably you are happily attached or married now. You are starting your own family. You can no longer enjoy as you used to back then, but you are more excited about the family. Career and family, that's all to life now. Everything's peachy at first, and everybody in the family got along (mum v dad, parents v baby). then the couple spends more time together, they grow more wrinkles as their child gains height. problems and quarrels increase in density. 40s. maybe not full of energy and lustre, but still fit and happy, ..right? try not to look back wistfully -- you'll make yourself feel worse. anyway, one of the couple turns unfaithful. child of the family turns defiant. this family is falling apart. 50s. quarrels.quarrels. the unfaithful one gets found out. quarrels. quarrels. 60s. nah, too old for divorce. too old to cane child, too. let nature take its course, and let everything be in peace. we just want ah boy/girl to complete his studies. oh, then you realised you contracted some sort of disease. you have not long to live. 70s. you lie on your deathbed, smiling at your crying beloveds. tell them you love them. its a short life, yes. at least you pulled it through.

well, that was pure crap. right after i typed it, the laptop went auto-hibernation mode. i was so freaked, i plugged it in immediately. the screen remain blank, and started making this weird rythmic beeping noises that can be heard throughout the house (the fact that the flat i live in is only 5-room does not matter). i was like fumbling with buttons -- where the hell is it coming from? finally, after much messing around i got back here.

anyway, wednesday is world books day. or is it RGS book day?? whatever. whats impt is that there is 20% on books for this whole week!!!! XD woot. woot. woot. also, the class has been really working on book covers. i really really appreciate it. ^^ arias, for the costumes. lydia, for managing and michelle daveen yenlin and some others for the back cover.. baby(whose birthday is today!) stacey alicia arias siyi(for managing our onscreen image) eileen.. and rita for making the mask... well, what can i say! that is quite a number of people helping and it really feels great to know everybody is working tgt. :)

Wait til you guys see our theme. :)

next target: DingDong's Beauty Contest, and NBC ^^


in jest; [10:19 PM]

20060412

today, i went around the class being spastic and taking photos. as usual.
after that, the others decided to be wayy more spastic.



disturbing her in her lesson





the see-who-take-whose-pic-first competition





wanqi looks super cute












wait till jnanee sees this... HEH HEH





behold, the beautifully sacred board of announcements...





illegal gathering.





(taking pics of self) aww.. so sweet..





right after i took this, i was telling zhimin how, when people are pointing their cams at her, she should not scowl and growl in a hostile and unfriendly manner, but instead put on her best smile and say cheese, to present the best side of her -- because all the camera will do is to capture what it sees. all zhimin did was to bite back a smile and walk away, dao-ing me.









buttocks of the tallzies.. :)



presenting, the retarded chiobu class, 309.








some of the things that we value...



for more pictures, click here. no captions this time.
for videos, ask me.

also, yesterday yenlin alicia rowawa and some others stayed back.. we got started on the book covers.. today, alicia baby rita eileen did (siyi also stayed to provide entertainment) .. haha.. actually we took some photos, but lets not reveal 'em just yet.. :)
next goal: groom DingDong. thats the name of our fish, yes.


in jest; [10:00 PM]


this blog will only contain happy stuff :)


in jest; [9:59 PM]

20060409

yesterday was ORA day. also, Raffles Trail day. Groups of people like Leican, Zhen Xiao, FUNGI, Yan Jun, and I went from one end of Singapore to the other, accumulating points in hope of getting enough to win something. The boys really wanted the prizes bad.

7th: Crumpler Bag
6th: Larger Crumpler Bag
5th: I can't rmb..
4th: Palm Top
3rd: Camera
2nd: Ipod Nano
1st: Ipod Video

Hahah, we would have gotten 1460 points, if we didnt kena Jack by the last station.

There were 24 stations in total, and 3 hours to complete the trail. Each group received a score card and 3 sheets of paper containing the station places. Places were labelled Green, Black, or White, and groups had to report to the stations in order of the 3 colors. For example, our (assigned) first station was all the way at River Valley Rd, Jalan Kuala, CHIJ Kellock. I think it was Green. So our next station had to be somewhere from the paper with all the Black stations.

Anyway, everyone had about 2 hours to prepare routes and plan strategies. It was a rare sight -- you enter RJC theatre 6 at 8plus in the morning, and you see clusters and clusters of RI, RGS and RJC students (there was no age limit i think) poring over books and discussing them. Street directories, maps and bus guides, at that. I was never a fan of these books. Everybody was like taking this reaally seriously - all for that Ipod video.

So, strategies were laid out, cheating methods were shared, rules were repeated, stomachs were filled and bowels were emptied. It was time for the Ceremony. Everyone was supposed to keep absolutely silent, but no one did anyway. We assembled at the parade square and stood under the sun for 15 minutes waiting for photographers to get as much of us as they wanted. Finally, Mr. Lee Hsien Loong himself came out.

My eyes went all O.O at the sight of him. Who knew he'd be here!

Anyway, Mr. Lee stood on the platform and held out the horn. PORRRRHHH. That was the cue for everyone to rush towards the exits like a bunch of fangirls and guys chasing after their star idol. In this case, however, everyone had their Ipod Video in mind. Lol.

Almost everybody ran from the School to the MRT station. Except our group, which contained someone who had yet recovered from sickness, and someone else with a leg injury. It was really funny, because another someone was a great runner. Imagine his frustration. I was none of the above mentioned, so i guess that makes me and Fungi neutral.

The process of the trail was invigorating. We started off on the wrong foot (due to some irresponsible old bus driver) but everything else went smoothly. We worked smart, and quite fast. We were also lucky, and almost always didn't have to wait long before the train/bus came along. We took initiative and went around getting help from shopkeepers, bus drivers and passersby. The group worked pretty well together, other than a few times when we wasted time because we lost each other. There was someone to lead and always check things out in advance, someone to do planning, someone to ring up contacts, and someone to provide drinks. Hahaha.. It was quite fun working with the bunch of RI weirdoes :)

My point is that, although we didn't get our finall 400 points, and even if we had, we would be far from winning, i'm really happy with the group. We did our best, and i feel that the rightful amount of points for us should be 1460. =)

I won't forget that day.






(I saw a few ppl along the way.. Shiyun and a few China trip ppl.. It was great ^^)

We were the second group to return to RJC, and even took a group photo under the side of the banner that read "finish". We went around browsing ORA booths, drinking punch, eating ice cream and watching people burst balloons. Along the way, we received pieces of information, each carrying the Total Points of other groups. All were higher than ours. Naturally, Hope was slipping right through our fingers. ..But some was left caught in the middle of our clenched fists.

We got back, it was Prize Ceremony, and the group with 1700plus got the 7th prize. There was an outburst of loud groans and moans. If Hope is something visible, you could then look up and see whole Fog made up of many groups' little traces of Hope.

Fungi watched, heartbroken, as his beloved was given away in nicely wrapped boxes.. Bye bye, Ipod Video. Hahah, i had no desire for it in the first place. I was thinking the crumpler bag would do nicely. But ah well. In case you're curious, the champion was a group of RI guys, taking away the top prize with 1900plus points.

I changed, and left in a cab. I was supposed to meet CongMing there at 4, but reached at 4.30 but only saw YingYing. She is also in NAFA. I wonder if she knows Baby or Kaiyan. CongMing arrived a while later with his troops. Haha, actually it was Silei and the others. Now that i mention the group, lets just take the opportunity to run through their names. :)

Silei, Peixuan, Weng Chi, Yu Xiang, Jia Hao, Jia Ming, Yuh Sin, Fan Tuan, Val, Lydia, Shimun, Sherry, Yingying, Mao Mao, Me and.. (shit i duno whats her name. >.<>.<>.<>Comic people. The first place we went was Kino's comic section. Haha.. I got myself a Deathnote and Deception Point. :) Bookshops are my heaven.

We went around cute shops, and then took neoprints. Really kawaii. Some went back first, so there were only around 10 of us left.. We took two sets, one with all of us, and one Girls-Only. They were nice, but i was too tired to get all hyper.

I went back with the others on Train, but fell asleep and before i knew it i had missed my stop. I changed trains, then i continued falling asleep on and off. In total, i think i overshot my destinations 4 or 5 times, and sometimes even ended up on the Green route, when i was going NorthSouth. Lol. It was close to 1am when someone woke me up at AMK. Shit. Overshot again. And it was the last train. I sighed, stretched, got up and flagged a taxi. I fell asleep on the taxi.
Yes that's how tired i am.

In one day i fell asleep in taxis twice, and on trains 4 or 5 times. I rock man. I reached home, finally, got a really bad scolding from my worried parents (they couldnt reach me and i couldnt reach them because my handphone was off), cried, bathed, read Deathnote and fell asleep in the process. Until today my mum is still Dao-ing me. Sheesh.


in jest; [9:07 PM]


i'll never understand humanity.

then again, who does? but i guess i'm feeling tired again. i set up this sth else, and i'm hoping i will be better able to express my emotions there. there are some things i just don't wish for people to read. cause they'll never understand.


in jest; [9:05 PM]


the past few weeks had been disastrous. someone took my heart, tore it into pieces, shoved it down the meat grinder and rammed it into my throat. i choked so bad, i almost died.

no, all those who think that i'm scandalous, it's not a guy. that person was Me. i don't feel like dwelling on the 'past' now, but i would like to congragulate myself. I would like to give myself a pat on the back and a big big hug, saying "Lena! You have been great! Thanks for trying your best. Well done!"

Why? As far as anyone can see, i am an utterly useless fat piece of trash - what have i done right?

Well.. for one thing, i did not lapse into depression. Seriously, i didn't. I cried a lot and was deeply saddened. But i did not go all mopey and pathetic. In comparison to my reactions for previous encounters, it is in fact the best.

Because, ironic as it may sound, this time is the worst.


in jest; [8:56 PM]

20060403

i like the rain, i really do.

pitter patter pit pat pit. each droplet's landing, regardless on the ground or windscreen, is music to the ears. natural air conditioning surrounds the school compounds, eventually seeping in through the open spaces and little gaps under the doors, infiltrating the smallest corners. if you lean by the window, or stand at the front of the foyer, you will feel the sensation of tiny tiny specks of rainwater on your face.

shiok.

the cold air evoked contrasting emotions.. it brought back happy memories, sad memories, just memorable memories, some even dating back to year 2002. once again, a backward glance at one's life leaves her lamenting on how time flies. i sat there and reminisced, feeling peaceful sorrowful and blissful all at once. i sat back and relaxed my muscles, finding myself wishing that the moment could last forever.

i like the rain, i do. it acts as a surgery knife, cutting into my (brain)mind to dig up the layers of dirt and banished thoughts buried deep within. it leaves me thinking, wondering, crying.. i won't mind stoning at a nice heavy rain for as long as nature allows me to. i think what everyone really needs is a good rain once in a while.


in jest; [10:07 PM]

20060402

"soulmates are hard to find."

i turned my head away from my father as he went on to one of those "friendship talks" again, not only because the topic disgusted me, but because tears were rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably again. i made no move to wipe them away, so as not to let my father know i was crying. rows and rows of streetlamps emanated rays of light that ran across my face, zipping past us. it was almost 10 pm.

it was a rare sight, though. i guess it's not very often that one's father takes her friendship problems into his own hands and attempt to talk to her about it-- not once, but repeatedly. of course, Mum would never sit around doing nothing either; she likes to pop the most insensitive questions about the issue at the weirdest times, and insist i answer her, leaving me no choice but to leave the room exasperatedly.

so you know, there is a reason i choose not to reveal anything. i want them to realise that i do not want to talk about it not because i am the heartless coldblooded person that they feel i am, but because mere thought on the issue brings about reaction that i do not wish for anybody to see. i do not want to tell them what's going on not because i want to hide anything, but because i myself am unsure as to what's really happening. i do not want to continue and drag on this painful relationship not because i don't care anymore, but because it's hurting me.

this is insane. everytime i thought i've put most of it behind me and got on with my happy life, either my parents or herself come along and smack my head with a cold salmon screaming I WON'T LET YOU FORGET IT SO EASILY NO I WONT.

and you know what? it bloody hurts.. cold salmon is no child's play ok. i wish they would just stay away from me. let me be. let bygones be bygones. please let me off. please let me go. i'll go on my knees. please let me off...


in jest; [10:53 PM]




me
Lena. 16.

links
.hiok
.jia
.kevy
.leican
.leeqi
.class blog


arhives
.September 2005
.October 2005
.December 2005
.January 2006
.February 2006
.March 2006
.April 2006
.May 2006
.June 2006
.July 2006
.August 2006
.September 2006
.October 2006
.November 2006
.January 2007
.February 2007
.July 2007
.September 2007


playing
Artiste: Hefner

Song: Half A Life


list
China Crisis
Peppermint Taste
Alan Beam
The Nights Are Long
Half A Life