the past few weeks had been disastrous. someone took my heart, tore it into pieces, shoved it down the meat grinder and rammed it into my throat. i choked so bad, i almost died.

no, all those who think that i'm scandalous, it's not a guy. that person was Me. i don't feel like dwelling on the 'past' now, but i would like to congragulate myself. I would like to give myself a pat on the back and a big big hug, saying "Lena! You have been great! Thanks for trying your best. Well done!"

Why? As far as anyone can see, i am an utterly useless fat piece of trash - what have i done right?

Well.. for one thing, i did not lapse into depression. Seriously, i didn't. I cried a lot and was deeply saddened. But i did not go all mopey and pathetic. In comparison to my reactions for previous encounters, it is in fact the best.

Because, ironic as it may sound, this time is the worst.