i had a two thousand word rant. about how friends are not friends anymore. about how my life couldn't get any worse. about how i will hang on no matter what. about.. how much i need help.

after that, i went to raffles rock concert. i ogled at guys, enjoyed the high, and had fun. the next day, there was debates competition. i was so excited to see terence. we gave thought to the environment and pollution permits. we lost two, won one. we groaned about how lousy we were. we.. went on with life.

just last night was a lighthearted happy family night-in.

just when i thought everything was really ok. but about an hour ago, everything changed.

she cried, and spoke with the raspy sorethroat voice she had acquired from the holiday overseas. i tried to hold in my tears, but was unsuccessful. so the most i was could do was to silently let my teardrops roll off my cheek, and not sob.

i was wondering how much more i can take..
I realised that i can take more blows, much larger blows, than i expected i can.