today sucked big time, so much that it easily scores as the worst day this week. not that i've been spending previous days fabulously -- the point is that i was close to tears so many time today.

the bloody cloth. black bloody cloth. why can't you bloody stay up on the wall where you rightfully belong, huh? you know how bloody much effort i spent on you, when no one else really bloody cares? HUHHH. bloody spent on cloth, tape and fasteners, bloody multiple times. the amt of bloody time i wasted. the very bloody least you could do. the very least, was to resist that pull of gravity. for my sake. can't you do just one thing for my sake? when i climb all over the place trying to reach the ceiling to put you up?

i just spent 5 mins ranting about two black cloth. hah. hah. so screwed.

i can't concentrate on everything at one time. the party itself holds so many things to be completed. every waking moment, i am forcing myself to think bt sth. 1 moment, whether i have time later on to put that thing back up. next, whether i have time tonight to study for jap test tmw. next, whether we can interview everyone in time. next, whether our RS will survive.
next, whether jia will just bloody reject the request about making tarbet souvenirs in her house so i don't have to keep guessing.
next, what's due tmw.
next, drinking coffee tonight to keep awake.
next, strangling everyone in sight.
next, running away screaming.
next, jumping off the third floor.
next...


and lessons are bloody sucking the hell out of me.

how the hell am i supposed to be motivated to continue learning, when everytime i feel like i finally get something, you bomb me over the head with another set of great theory or avalanche of concepts and make me feel like a total dufus all over again, i cannot fathom. and no i don't bloody care if that sentence structure is so totally out.

what ever, man.