my own blog...

my own blog.

i wanna laugh cry scream and murder at the same time. first time crap like this happened to me lah. now i know how it feels; not many people would understand.

you've gone too far this time. i hate you.

i should be in depression now. very very deep depression. the kind in which you drop a whole trailer and you can forever but there's no sound. most definitely the kind in which you lose yourself, kick the (nonexistent) walls, scream and pull your hair out and yet nobody will see you. the kind that i still get once in a while now.

but i was generally cheerful this afternoon. probably because of joy baby alicia and rowawa. maybe because my life still seems to be in control. maybemaybe..

as i sit down here, delving blindly into the depths of my wandering thoughts again, i can't help but chance upon the thought again. it scalded me so badly i jumped. it still exists, yes -- i can't fool myself. so real, so raw, so hurtful.

i dont want to.. really really don't want to think about it. but this just sucks. i hate you so much. you ought to know it. i really regret ever having met you. i hate you, i hate you, i hate you. nobody but myself knows what or who "you" refers to. well too bad.

hey again.. ive been meaning to blog, but kept nagging at myself that the Class Party blog entry must come first. well, i don't have time for it. photos, events, blah.. just be assured it was a blast =)

so what gave me so strong an urge to blog that i decided to go ahead and post first?

Well.
..i was just reading Xiaxue's blog again. She's supposedly damn chio, she's famous, no amt of obstacles can faze her, she's got a cute angmo bf, she's got like this bunch of damn gd friends, her family ties are gd, she gets to meet all the other famous ppl, companies suck up to her so she gets all these free stuff all e time, she's gets paid for blogging-- what she loves, she is allowed to both have fame And constant interaction with her fans, hundreds of ppl rd abt her life daily.. SHE'S GOOD AT PHOTOSHOP. what else? she knws a lot of cute guys.

lol. some ppl just have the life, man. while some of us are mugging our brains out in prestigious schools, in preparation for carving out a future for ourselves, all she needs to do is to go out their and blog.

whoa man. i almost idolize her.

anyway, enough about wendy's close to perfect life. as we make the transition and move the magnifying glass onto me, you will see the stark contrast in between us. for one thing, the results of my procrastination in the last two weeks is rapidly surfacing. not pleasant, no.

this is so depressing..

however, there is one possible cheer-inducing element and that is: TXY.
ok its not totally TXY.. its more of the whole idea of Art. Man Hua Da Ren, Comics, DA, Anime, and also the site that i'm working on. [secretly pleased]

hahah.. yay! I confess that I am only moderately proficient in the Skin aspect of webbie creation, so here i am with a purchased domain and the determination to obtain a learning experience from meddling with it =D i know some will probably tell me what a waste of money and time it is --
"you don't even have time for ur unfinished work!"
"give it up lah, even after learning, your skills will still be crap."
"whats the use of a bloody personal site?"

=.= i know, i know.. but that's just me. my life. what i wanna do. i might be crazy, but whatya gonna do about it? shoot me? =D

so for now i shall be motivated. do or read a bit everyday.... go lena!

oh man its damn late.


purely 309 (with sub-albums: go see XD)


mr. teo XD


pursuit ji xian


ms ang related xP

hahah ok come let's briefly describe what happened since i last blogged.

thu-fri: OSL selection camp. daaaamn memorable >.< cliche as it may sound, i learned really a lot from this camp. its the most meaningful camp i've ever gone to, thus far. even more so than OBS! XD the most memorable event, i think all the others who went would agree, would be when they shook us all awake at 3am to conduct this emergency drill. its still so clear in my mind.. had this tinge of OBS in it.. i don't know, challenge and excitement? i think i'm a sucker for it man. =D maybe that's why i like OBS so much. i miss OBS. omg i'm digressing.

sat: WHOOTs. WHOOTS. PURSUIT JI XIAN. TXY ORIENTATION XD XD <3!!
i arrived late.. it was the 3rd day of orientation alr, and i was alr damn sad lah wl T_T miss 2 full days of bondage (i dont care if tht sounds wrong) but after tht i was happy, cause even though i only came, i didnt feel no distance from my group! XD <3! but lets start from the beginning =)

so i was happily slping, thn i woke up, lazed in bed. mins later my hp vibrated, and i opened Wenyu's msg.

"why you not here today?"

OMG. O.O TONG XUN YUAN. OMG. SHIT.

i quickly replied, then wenyu told me to quickly go. so i bathed, and my dad drove me to SPH. then i had problems getting in (not very familiar mah...) but good ol' wenyu helped me through =)

i followed signs, and then came to Auditorium 1. i poked my head in, and everyone in there froze. loud music was blasting from the speakers, and i walked in sheepishly. turns out they were our "snr TXYs" =) everyone else had left for Station Games, so poor and lonely me sit there nothing to do. Someone promised sth about bringing me to a Station to meet my group, but nobody came to my rescue.

so i entertained myself. no actually, they entertained me. HAHAH. it was damn amusing, they held their own singing competition, and the audience judged. everyone took turns to go up there hold the mike and sing their guts out. the most hilarious was the fatty... i still didnt catch his name.. hahaha. but anw he was Dancing and mostly humming to the song because he didnt know his lyrics. hahahha.

after a while, the fun ceased and they started playing LP. =D whoots! gimme LP and ima happy girl. hia hia..

i lay my head on the chair next to me and closed my eyes. was feeling a bit sleepy....

after what seemed like 10 mins, i opened my eyes and their was this lady in front of me. quite chio. hahah. (after that, i realised that she turned out to be CHAY YEOW's crush, according to reliable info from Leican and CY himself. OMG HE WILL FREAK AFTER I TELL HIM XD) so it went like:

"do you have some time now?"

...
i was SLEEPING. what did it look like, i was really occupied and busy?

"um, it's like this. im a reporter from.. (where?!) and i am looking for sort of a model to take pictures for the topic i'm doing on. it won't take a lot of time.. are you free now?"

i stared at her blankly for a while, then i nodded. she went off to ask the TXY snrs if she could take me away, and of course they agreed. lol.

then, she took me to this brothel and sold me off as a prostitue.

right. she brought me to her dept, where i saw Cong Ming. x) the photographer came, made me do a few poses, and i was done. HAHA. >.< omg lah! its going to be out on.... I'LL NEVER TELL. =___= but the topic of the article is Youths and Politics, i think. i was damn retarded i tell u. hahha omg lah!

so i went back, then spent abt 1 hr w/ Cong Ming. He took me on a tour round SPH, made me shake hands with a few ppl, and talked abt the place, the history, the newspapers.. blah. =) nice person. told me bascially everything i needed to know, and more. also, just because i'm from RGS, he had this misled notion that i prolly could write well also. saw me as a potential writer. =__= omg. hahahaha i was like......

but anw i returned to Auditorium after that. it was almost time for Station Games to be over, and i was like in anticipation. the first group that returned wasn't Man Hua. (i'm Student Journalist in the COMIC section. yes.) The 2nd group was. i was damn happy. i went over and tried to camouflage myself and blend in with them. hahaha, not exactly. but they were so friendly lah pls! it felt like i was never gone. more like, i had always been there. hahaha. omg man hua rawks! XD

anw, lets fast forward abit. in truth i really did miss two days with them, so there was a bit of catching up to do. for one thing, each group had this performance at the end of the day. our group was dancing, and being the good spirited ppl they are, they involved me and made me learn the dance. XD lol damn rocks. i wasn't a fast learner, but we did the whole thing in 30 mins or so, i think. =) si lei and the others were around to help out and Mao Mao, our only male member in this batch, had a fun time im sure. =D hahahha.. he was being seduced by us Chiobus lah! hahaha ok wtv. but yeah, he had a fun role.

the whole dance basically damn rocks lah. the song was "Sexy Naughty Bitchy", so you can just imagine. hahaha.. plus the Effects added in by Mao's existence. =D =D =D

Man Hua rocks.

I should stop obsessing and get on with it.

but seriously. =D

anwyay, we went down for food. i didnt pay the 25 bucks everyone paid, but i ate anyway. hahaha. then we changed. there was a costume: everyone wore white shirt/blouse with (mini)skirt and Tie. lol. i only fulfilled the skirt part. so i went to borrow the Orientation tee from Yu Hsin ( i didnt have the tee either. i didn't pay for the goodie bag, rmb? lol.) and the who... >.< shit sorry i forgot ur name omg. Well she's the very very nice groupmate who was patient in teaching me the dance, and talked to me a lot. =) well she lent me her school tie. so basically, i ended up totally not looking like a schoolgirl at all, not to mention hot. sigh. to top it off, one of my sandals' strap snapped, so i walked around barefooted. hah, nice image.

then we rushed off to put some make-up. it was fun. i didnt realise we were doing it, but we did. there was no eyeliner or lipstick, only eyeshadow. my first! XD but sherry put on for most of us, and they said i looked gd with the light blue one *blush* 1st exp ok! <3 =)

the group was really high. we went photowhoring and all, and they were kinda chatty. =) in addition to this high-ness was the realisation that we'd be the first group to perform =.= hahah.. but there were a few talks, and the EXCO's 'fashion show'. they were all in black, and their poses were specially thought out for each and everyone of them to show their character! how cool is tht!

hmm. blah blahblahblah.. oooh wait. there was this chiobu. =D cannot don't mention. omg damn chio. i think she wore eyeliner somemore. black attire, cause EXCO. she looked gd in it, and she basically had this look that spelt EMO. and many emo ppl are chio. she's DAMN CHIO. i think she's one of the heads or dunowhat. sorry la i dont pay a lot of attention to names. but she's chio loh pls. omg >.< hahhaha.. then for the performance, she held sth like a whip.. lol OMG wicked. bdsm fans will scream man. hahahha. but i shall not go into details abt that. see, one whole para abt her. whoots man.

ehh, where was i? oh, we performed. =) it was hot. come onnn man! it was lah! every1 just jumped up and bobbed with us. they went wayy high when Mao ripped out his tie. whoots Mao! XD then the shouts for encore... a few groups got it too lah, but what matters is tht we got it. lol damn high. yes, i can't describe. it was sorta like how the TW hip hop party felt like. but milder.

hahahha sorry lah! dont have clubbing experience, so parties like ths make me damn excited alr. woots! more!!!!! XD ahahah.

so, their were other groups' performances. Chay yeow was damn cute!! hahaha, i duno how to say. he was damn cute. at the end of the night he even won some prize.. i forgot what award it was. but damn proded. then he basically went on stage, took his prize, and conducted a group cheer from the stage before he went down. hahaha.

another group worth mentioning also is YangZi's group. their dance was also damn hot! thn there's this guy (our batch i think) who tried rapping, didnt turn out so well, but still rocked. =) he won the best rock award for male i think.

well guess who won the female one?? HAHAHAHAH. Dian Jun is this guy who wore damn sexy female top and miniskirt with stockings and (heels i think) in the same performance as the former mentioned. lol damn hot!!! HAHAHAH. everyone was like grabbing at his clothes, and tugging at his skirt. hahaha omg sexay worhhx! XD took lotsa pics. we cheer like xiao for him man, and kept requesting to see him. lol omg popular demand. hahaha HOT CHICK. HAHAHAH XD. ima post pics later, you shud see =D

just sth else... we tried to make Silei strip. right before Dian Jun's group the performance. hahahahha. cause she was trying to stall time, for him to dress himself up.. then she had to entertain us. we wanted ehr to Tuo Diao, then there was a lot of commotion. then she gekiang said that she "would only Tuo if someone Tuo with her." then Jiaming went up. HAHAHAHA. it was damn funny. she went "Wo Zhi Cuo Le.." hahahah dman cute. whoots jiaming! XD

ehh, still got what? all the performances were good lah =)) super super high. the EXCO also showed 2 videos, both in which Jia Hao appeared. hahah. our cool (other) group leader. Silei is group leader too. hehe.. in the first video JH had a bad stomachache. Jiaming also. lol they damn hilarious. In the 2nd, JH tried to act like a superstar wannabe. hahaha. but that leads to the next thing i wanted to say.

TXYRISINGSTAR. do they rawk or do they rawk? we have our own Super Star program =____= hahahah omgomgomg. yah, it works the same way, just that its within our team. =) we get judges, and stuff. and at the end of it, if you win, you get to make ur own CD and have photoshoots and learn to sing better and stuff. so freaaakin cool XD. i'm going! they needed 4 from our group.. aktl it was supposed to be 5, but they see our group small, give leeway... =D hehe. fun! the thing is in June, but i alr knw wht song im singing XD hahaha.. yea, its all fer e fun anw.

=)

the night rawked like xiao. ima post pics now.


...wait. i realise im nt supposed to be going yet >.< hahahah. tht was only Saturday. and if you go back to the start of the post you realise i mentioned "brief". well but apparently this is gna be one of the longest posts in history. lol. TXY rocks. =) they even have their own forum and stuff.

ANW.

Sunday: had tuition. missed Joshua Ang's piano concert T_T but piano session was happy. i forgot wht i did.. hmm prolly nth much.

Monday: Bio Field Trip. Then shop and eat at Taka. Then Alicia's house to fin Banner.

Tue: Pygmalion Screening. omg Henry Higgins damn SHUAI. XD and the show made me laugh quite abit.

Wed: ....Tmw. Class Party. Wl, excited.

Watch out man, here 309 comes..

Let's see. This morning i overslept, and kept Siyi waiting for dunno how many hours. Haha. After being my friend for a while, you learn alot about how i work. Thats why chen called yesterday morning to make sure i was awake by 10plus. ahaha.. Ohwell. Sorry. >.<

But anyway i changed, walked to woodlands mart, discovered i didnt have enough money to laminate the photos, then walked to admiralty mrt, then took to dhoby gaut, then took bus 190, then reached Rgs. yes thats the only route i know to rgs. go ahead and laugh. ahaha.. i mean like pls lah, how often do i get to travel to sch by myself. =.= give me some credit loh, at least i got to school anyway. =)

so we did the cards, and came with a few ideas, like certs, and class logo, and stuff. =) and a change in prank. lol hahah damn cool. then i drew ms ang several times. then we gushed over how cute ms ang was. ahah. then my parents came.

then we went to roam around, until 7pm. then we watch I Not Stupid Too. omg lah. omg lah. omg lah damn nice. i cried twice or thrice. but my brother and father were very anticlimax. everytime those nice parts, then they chat happily to each other. loudly. disturb me. wl! >.< but anw it was still nice lah. the two guys are shuai, and the Jerry looks so blur. too cute, man.

"so lame" "can i have a lame chop?" "can you pls take this lame away?" "lame!" "whatever!" "cool man!"

omg. ahahaha. lame shit. i like. =D

now theres a big bunch of things undone. omg i shall die. ahaha. and hiok's going mad.

Haha omg. This rocks.

Ok i meant to blog about Disney on Ice tonight, but it seems like i don't have the time.. blehh. =( Let's just talk about today. =)

Today, i went out with Chen. For the whole day. =D

*met at Orchard MRT. was roaming around trying to find our way out whn this guy, claiming to be from this thing raising funds for mistreated maids and females forced into prostitution, pounced on us. now when i think about it, wheres the link in between those two? anyway he talked real funnily, and dont really make sense. stuff like "this maid was treated this this this. would you do that? no right?" of course we said no, but how does that relate to us donating money to the bloody thing? =.=

anyway jinhan came along. i happily grabbed him and planted him in between me and chen, not knowing the plight i was putting him in. the Guy was damn happy to see Jinhan (the more the merrier) and started talking to him 1 on 1. =.= he stated the amt that we should donate, and kinda pushed us into donating. it was irritating.

so i was taking out this 10 dollar bill, and he told Jinhan. "How come the girl is taking out the money, but the guy..." =.= =.= i mean how can you say such things lah, wahlau. its kind of despicable loh, to get him to donate money. Anyway Jinhan kind of told him that he didnt have money, but he didn't seem to get it. Kept insisting. So i and chen helped out a bit, and he got the idea.

He gave me this mini torchlight thingie. Sheesh. Wtf.

*travelled back and forth stupidly, due to our lack of common sense and sense of direction. we wasted money and time. so there.

*finally arrived at Cine. =) Shopped for 1 hr plus, bought earrings and shades. Chen bought.. belt and.. i dont rmb.

*bought cinema food. it was damn funny. we ordered family combo (popcorn and two drinks), nachos, and potato wedges. the two of us, yeah.
chen: i think we eat a lot.
lena: i also think so. but its ok. theres nobody else but us here. nobody has to know.
chen: yah but everybody will be able to see the results....

the cashier was damn cute.
we were fumbling with our things, and trying to grab everything we ordered.
"do you need a bag?"
-sheepish grin- "yeah"
-putting food into plastic bag- "you must be really hungry.."

ahahah. i told her we were big eaters. it was quite malu. but oh well, who cares =D

*the show was My Girl and I. the plot is the most cliche thing you'll ever witness in korean drama history. but its still funny, enjoyable and tear-evoking. typical, but nice and time absorbing.

*went Heeren. shopped. nothing much bought.

*went FarEast. shopped. bought clothes, and chen got her PMK member card. lol and i owe her 43 bucks. =.= she was going "you owe me 43 dollars. oh Wo De Ming Hao Ku.."

*I'm at home rotting now.

Well! How was it! If things go on like this, this shall be the best one-week holiday in my life mans! x) tmw i will be going to school to do stuff with Siyi. stuff for PARTEY. =D

Whoots. High-ness. =D


click to go Dead Fish's Xie Zhen!

Well, that was only my Saturday. Wanna hear 'bout my Sunday? =)))))

Nah.. Don't wanna kill you yet. =) Just a quick summary then. I had tuition, piano, and Disney on Ice.

=) =) =) =)

Yes it was fun. I shall be posting photos in a while. Not Disney pics. I'm not so bo liao.

omg holidays rawk.

hahah, to those who have enjoyed themselves so far, gimme a hi-5! x) for those who have not...you will! it's just getting started! mwahahhaha =D

Let's see.. Yesterday i went to SPH for the student journalist interview. Basically i met SiLei, one of their overall leaders, and joined this group of 10-20 other students. We were interviewed questions like "How would you rate your chinese standard?" "Why do you like manga?" and "How would you rate your computer knowledge?" .. lol. But the guy who interviewed me was quite cute. =) LOL kay nvm.

Anyways, while we sat around waiting, one of them (referring to our interviewees. they are the batch of student journalists before us.. two yrs ago) who's from hwa chong, came over to talk to us. she's friendly, and we even exchanged deviantart addies. =) so she entertained us by getting each of us to introduce ourselves.. i talked to those who sat around me, and there's even this girl who has the exact same name as Liu Yiqing... =__= lol omg.

Students' age range was from 14 to 18.. i think. I was talking to this 18 year old -- sorry i forgot ur name =.= -- about choosing between JC and Poly. It was kinda depressing when you realise you never can make your own decisions. Sigh, but let's not talk about that.

After all the interviews were over, we stuck around for this drawing session. No its not an hour of Crayola. Bascially we each had a piece of blank paper, and was given the theme of Valentine's Day. I contemplated. Comic strip, or image. Gory, sweet, anime, or plain qian bian? In the end i handed up this scene of ppl protesting against V-day. it's kinda simple and real badly sketched, but the idea was there. Flower shops were on fire, and Vday gifts lay in a pile like garbage.. Ppl held up signs, fists, and sticks of fire.... Yeah.

Afterwards, i met my parents, and i told them about it. My mum was entirely mortified by my "creativity". How i could draw something like that for a theme so sweet as Valentines Day, she could not fathom. I tried. "Mum, it's art... You gotta be more flexible... Besides, its not even all that irrelevant."

Its nothing, if you bring it up to openminded ppl we have nowadays. But i guess ppl of another generation really do think differently. After i tried to convince them, my parents thought i was boasting myself "thinking out of the box", and gave halfhearted encouragement. I did not try anymore.

Anyway later in the day. I received The Call.

"This is from the (dunnowhat) Tong Xun Yuan place.."

I was so goddamn happy. Ahah. Sweet success, finally. After don't know how many times i tortured myself predicting my failure. Whoots. Whoots. I was damn happy, yes. Then, she said.

"So can you please come down on Thursday 8.30am?" HUH???

"But i thought my interviewer said that Ying Xin (orientation and welcome for us noobs) was next week?"

"Yes, so next week would mean the coming Thursday...?" (It was a Saturday)

Oh shit.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.

I forgot that for the rest of Singapore, they only have a one week holiday. They don't have the extra Learning Journey week like us RGS girls to squander our time away.

So it would just make perfect sense that he was referring to the coming Thursday -- Saturday for this camp. Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

I'VE GOT OSL SELECTION CAMP.

-smacks forehead- im sorry. =.=

Well both are important to me. Equally. I know you can't have the best of both worlds, but this is not relevant in this case because being Student Journalist doesn't affect going OSL, really. =.= Luckily, the two camps are not of equal importance. There is a difference, yes.

Because i already got into the journalist thing, and the three days is only orientation, it naturally weighs less than OSL selection camp. I gotta go, man. After all that trouble? And miss the selection? No way. =)

So i'll just tell Si Lei i can go on Friday 3pm after camp. =) -cross fingers- i wouldnt wanna miss the fun. =)

To get my mind off how much i suck, i shall list out the things i want to concentrate on for the moment.

1. Chi Essay Writing tmw.
2. Reading everything i have to read.
3. Tong Xun Yuan this Sat.
4. Class Party
5.Song lyrics writing Comp.
6. OSL selection camp.
7. Tarbet Souvs.
8. Class Deco.
9. Quitting(or not) 3rd lang, Joining photog
10. i started out w/ only a few, then i realised theres so many.... =___= shit im even more depressed now. i suck. T_T
11. Piano
12. Trying not to suck so much.
13. improve Maths.

Today sucked.

I shall not go into details, but let's make a list.

1. I failed my volleyball serving. How the hell am i supposed to join volleyball in jc. I suck.
2. I failed my lit test. We took it today, but it felt like i failed anyway. There was this major point that i didn't mention At All. I'm so dead.
3. I suck.
4. I felt stupid because i can't do math. Math is my fav subject. Can you believe it? I can't. I suck at my fav subject. Omg i suck so much.
5. Mr. Teo was being mean. He's not nice All the time but today he was being extra mean. Kinda upset me.
6. I'm changing math grouping. I don't know why i'm doing this, but yes i am doing it. And yes i am depressed because.. Well, you'll see. I really liked my prev group. Ah well, shoot me.

I suck.

I know the last two points were irrelevant to me being sucky, but it doesnt matter cause they make me feel rotten anyway.

I suck.

I bet i will fail chi essay tmw. I suck.

Yes, i know i sound like an idiot but that's the way i shall type from now onwards, in a desperate attempt to improve my essay writing.

You know i bloody failed my Lit essay??!?!?! (And you know she went around telling classes how badly we did? Sometimes i just can't believe teachers. I mean, i know all of you guys hate us. But do you have to do this?)

Never mind that. Chill. This blogpost ain't supposed to turn out like that. I published the previous post, then i sat back at scrolled through my blog.

Isn't it sad when your realise that you've never had a happy post in maybe weeks? All of them are there when you were in states of depression, misery, helplessness, anger, loneliness and etc. So when you look back at your life, that's all you have to look at?

Whatever happened to me trying to remain cheerful? My resolve crumbled away, and now i'm this sulking old lady again. ..

I'm here to redeem myself. At least, try to.

Let me name some happy things. =)

Well, firstly, i've experienced both extreme sadness and happiness when it came to matters like OSL and TXY. My moods follow closely whether or not i got into the next stage of selection. So, to list the happy stuff, i was laughing and giggling to myself when i saw the OSL2006 yahoo groups invitation. Also, i went jumping around the house when i heard about SiLei (the person in charge of comic TXY)'s phone call. Funny how i am sometimes.

Also, in terms of SA, i was really depressed about Lit FA, and Bio. We still dont know about subjects like Bio(which we just took), Eng, and SS, but i just wanna say i am pleased with my math results. Despite the high concentration of careless mistakes throughout my answer sheet, the grade is reasonably good... In my standards. So i will do all i can to improve. I love maths. I mean it. =)

And... Ms Ang's staying for another term. Lol. I don't have the mood for exclamation marks and enthusiasm now, but it IS a very good piece of news, and it made many people happy. =) Also, the class will be going ahead with the party. I look forward to it. =)

Today, we had class relay. It was quite memorable, despite the problems we met. It seems that every year class relay for me is like that. I still have to worry about the clash with house representation, but that's another matter.

I don't know.. What else makes me happy? Staring at our chioded classroom makes me happy. =) For obvious reasons. But so far not many have commented, and i really hope the class likes it. Whats the point if i love it, and the class and everybody doesnt, and we don't win anyway? I'll be putting up more stuff tmw.

Joy makes me happy. Haha. Sometimes. Some other times she is mean and pisses me off, but that's doesn't occur a lot and nobody is perfect.

And of course, i can think of many other ppl tht make me happy..... =) jhkja totnt
And some others that make me happy just by being IN my thoughts... =) sl

DRACO. XD i will nv forget uuuu ^^

What else makes me happy?

Finishing my work makes me happy. I'm gonna bathe now, and get Sean Yeoh's new shirt off my body. Ahahaha.

Bloody hell.

__Blogger. ___my retarded computer. ____school ____3rd Lang. _____Lit FA. ____you.

People I Wish to Eliminate From My Life.

1. This girl who think she’s too good for others. Whatever. Maybe not, maybe just too good for some people. Go around daoing people like nobody’s business (I got that from Joseph Toh. Lol don’t ask). She’s someone who makes a point in being a right bastard in whatever she do. The way she talks reveals the apparent fact that she thinks it’s ‘special’. Her actions and body language constantly displays either Hyperbole or a bloody attitude. I don’t know. I don’t even know her that well. I just know she freaking irks me and it disgusts me that I’m the one of the few that can see it. What am I, privileged? Spare me.

2. This is someone hard to get out of my hair. She makes it a point to make my life even harder for me than it is now. Her life goal is to make me realize what a good-for-nothing I am, and I should always listen to her in whatever I do. She never realizes that she is constantly making assumptions about me, because she feels that she knows-all and can never be wrong about her judgment of me. In her eyes, I know, think, and do nothing right. I am immature and needs to be always told what’s the right thing to do, sometimes even Needing the thing to be done for me. Everything I do is wrong, and everything she does is right. She is the queen, I am the pile of shit. And she is doing me great favours in whatever she tells me, but I am always ungrateful and refuse to listen to her. I am an idiot. But it doesn’t matter, because since she is my mother she has the right to make my life a living hell. Oops, did I say that?

Other Concerns

a) OSL. SELECTION CAMP!! Omg I can’t wait. You know this actually means I stand a chance? I’ve been so battered and torn by so many outright rejections, I am even willing to just go for this knowing that I got so far even if I don’t get in in the end. Well but of course I wanna get in. =D

b) Class Deco. =__= It’s draining quite a lot out of me. It seems that whenever I get something nice done, something else that is nice and needs to be done pops up. But for the sake of our chioded classroom.... =D (to match our chioded fish, and chioded CLASS)

c) Tong. Xun. Yuan. If Joo sees this, I wanna say that the comic person called. But I cried anyway. I cried in two days. I cried when I realized u received the call and I didn’t, and I cried when I realized I received the call from the comic person and not the photog one. I cried in the bath. I cried in my room.

My parents tried to act like they care abt how much i wanted this. But it was superficial and we both know it. They'd rather i didn't.

I got over it anyway. Thanks for trying, Joo! I bet my name was on the list only for “comic” and not “photog”. I scincerely wish you get in anyway. =) I’m gna try to be my class 2nd photog rep, and maybe get what little bit of contact with photog that I can get….. :)

Meanwhile, maybe i can get in for Manga TXY? Won't get my hopes up, but it IS fun.

d) Tarbet stuff. I dunno… It’s just this thing inside my head, guts and heart that is difficult for me to voice out here. But I’m just very unhappy about it, and I think the whole thing sucks. I guess I can’t do anything about it.

e) Bloody SAs. Bloody Jap. Bloody work. Need I say more?

f) I’ll list more when I remember them.

For now, I’ll wait for blogger to re-appear for use so that I can blog this post.

Oh by the way, Happy Birthday Vic. Haha... I never knew abt it, but I guess it doesn’t make a diff.

Uh, still got what. You know Class VC were invested today. =____= Did they have too? When they so obviously don’t really care? And pretend they do? And just waste everybody’s assembly time? And waste my Bio test study time? And made me kena scolding for belt again? Then I get all these “Lena I didn’t know you were VC!”s that are kinda unnerving. It’s almost the same as in when I tell people I’m in debates and they go “O.O omg YOU? DEBATES? HAHAHAHAH.”

=_____= But I guess I shouldn’t grumble. I mean who can expect more from me right?

I’m just this loser. And I know you reading this post couldn’t agree less.

hey check it out.. when you think about it, we (raffles) ppl aint e only ones struggling in school.. so what is it we are complaining abt? aren't we like the blessed ones?

[boost]

and i so totally dig being blessed, man. uhhuh.




sigh.

i don't see the need in giving details. this blog is for me to express my emotions, and is neither reader-friendly nor comprehensible. its not a friend i guess. just somewhere whereby i can really say what i feel, cus i dont have one.

haha tht sounded wrong. i do have friends..

its just that.

lets not go into details.

anyway, the only thing preventing me from dropping what is in my hands now, exclaim "forget it" and give up totally, is my utter love, passion, and belief that anyone is capable of success if she wants it enough.

i cry, but i wont give up.

i dedicate this post to Joy Chua.

<3
<3
<3
<3
<3
<3
<3
<3
<3
<3
<3
<3

Joy to the world... =)

like, you know..

when you sit down and think about it, and you realise that somehow nothing has ever gone right?

im so depressed now.

so damn __ depressed.

you know whenever i resolve to do something, and i put in all my efforts to do it, it ALways never turn out right.

hahaha.. hahahah.. bloody ___ hell.

i didn't get in.

i didn't get in.

i didn't get in.

i bet i didn't get in.

why.. its the same depression i felt when the tarbet banner designs got rejected multiple times.

nobody even cares what you do. how much effort you put in.

wahlau, nobody even cares.

you know what, i bet the next thing will be that i didnt get into OSL.
then, the Tarbet banner doesn't win.
then, our class deco rots away to nth and other classes walk away champion.
then, ..
i dunno, then i don't feel like doing anything anymore...

..im serious know. i always get this feeling in my guts that i will get disappointed in the end. i make myself appear all confident and blah.... but, i'm not.

i wanna cry.. i wanna cry.. i wanna cry..

hah..
hah..
hah..
hahh..

and i knw whts the irony in this?


i tried so hard to keep away from depression.

today sucked big time, so much that it easily scores as the worst day this week. not that i've been spending previous days fabulously -- the point is that i was close to tears so many time today.

the bloody cloth. black bloody cloth. why can't you bloody stay up on the wall where you rightfully belong, huh? you know how bloody much effort i spent on you, when no one else really bloody cares? HUHHH. bloody spent on cloth, tape and fasteners, bloody multiple times. the amt of bloody time i wasted. the very bloody least you could do. the very least, was to resist that pull of gravity. for my sake. can't you do just one thing for my sake? when i climb all over the place trying to reach the ceiling to put you up?

i just spent 5 mins ranting about two black cloth. hah. hah. so screwed.

i can't concentrate on everything at one time. the party itself holds so many things to be completed. every waking moment, i am forcing myself to think bt sth. 1 moment, whether i have time later on to put that thing back up. next, whether i have time tonight to study for jap test tmw. next, whether we can interview everyone in time. next, whether our RS will survive.
next, whether jia will just bloody reject the request about making tarbet souvenirs in her house so i don't have to keep guessing.
next, what's due tmw.
next, drinking coffee tonight to keep awake.
next, strangling everyone in sight.
next, running away screaming.
next, jumping off the third floor.
next...


and lessons are bloody sucking the hell out of me.

how the hell am i supposed to be motivated to continue learning, when everytime i feel like i finally get something, you bomb me over the head with another set of great theory or avalanche of concepts and make me feel like a total dufus all over again, i cannot fathom. and no i don't bloody care if that sentence structure is so totally out.

what ever, man.

lifes a big stirring pot full of green bean soup.

says oh-great philosopher lena lim.

oops, that's my name!

grah. i was just being lame and thinking about the interconnections between people. and how some people can melt together so well, while some others just can't get along. they bubble and boil until the water evaporates off and both parties are unable to move.

so life that's complicated, relationships, or that big pot of green bean soup?

wl talking bout food makes me so hungry.

we saw mr. teo donate blood today. oh man this is so hilarious.. but yeah, haha was damn high all the way. there was loads discuss abt ms ang. eheh. we even set up a fanclub website. yeah man.